Grooming

Grooming refers to the deliberate approach by adults who aim to prepare sexual abuse of children or adolescents. This usually happens via the internet, as perpetrators can remain anonymous and contact children directly. They use social networks, messaging services, online games, and forums to build a relationship with their potential victim.

A groomer often pretends to be someone of the same age or presents themselves as particularly understanding and trustworthy. Some pretend to share the same hobbies or claim to have gone through similar problems. Others pose as mentors or protectors who understand the child better than their own parents or friends. The goal is to build trust and emotionally isolate the child from their family.

As the contact progresses, the perpetrator attempts to create dependency. Various psychological tricks are used:

• Flattery and compliments: The child is singled out (“You’re so mature for your age,” “Talking to you is so much easier than with adults”).
• Secret friendship or love: Groomers suggest that they and the child share a special relationship no one else would understand.
• Gifts or financial support: Some perpetrators send gifts to small children or transfer money to adolescents to “buy” their affection.
• Gradual boundary pushing: It often begins innocently with private conversations, followed by requests to keep secrets or send personal pictures.
• Pressure and blackmail: If the child has already shared pictures or personal information, perpetrators often threaten to publish them if the child does not continue cooperating.

Grooming is a gradual process and often hard to detect from the outside. The danger is that many children and adolescents do not even realize they are being manipulated.

Which Children Are Particularly at Risk?

Grooming can happen to any child, but some are more vulnerable:

• Aged between 9 and 15, as they are especially curious, seek independence from parents, and crave recognition during this phase.
• With low self-esteem, because they are more receptive to compliments and attention.
• Who spend a lot of time online, especially on platforms with private messages or group chats.
• With little parental oversight, because no one discusses online dangers with them or they have unlimited internet access.

Which Platforms Do Groomers Use?

Groomers deliberately choose internet spaces where many children and adolescents gather. Particularly affected are:

• Social networks like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat, where children can be easily contacted via direct messages.
• Messaging apps like WhatsApp, Discord, and Telegram, which allow private communication.
• Online games like Roblox, Fortnite, and Minecraft, which contain chat features enabling strangers to reach out.
• Livestream platforms like Twitch or YouTube, where children can be contacted via comments or private messages.

Particularly dangerous are platforms that automatically allow private chats or where adults can easily pretend to be peers.

How Can You Recognize Grooming?

There are warning signs that may indicate your child is involved in a dangerous online relationship. The sooner you notice them, the better you can intervene:

• Secrecy: Your child no longer talks about online contacts or turns off the device when you enter the room.
• Sudden behavior changes: Withdrawal, irritability, sleep problems, or anxiety can signal that something is wrong.
• New “friends” or online contacts: Your child talks about someone they’ve never met in person but describe as very important.
• Gifts or money: Groomers often send small gifts, vouchers, or money to bind the victim to them.
• Pressure for secrecy: Phrases like “Don’t tell anyone about us, they wouldn’t understand” or “This is our little secret” are clear red flags.
• Sudden insecurities or guilt: If your child suddenly expresses self-doubt or fear of disappointing someone, it could point to manipulation.

Not every one of these signs necessarily indicates grooming, but if something seems off, you should talk to your child about it.

How Can You Protect Your Child?

Open Communication

Talk to your child about the dangers of the internet—without scaring them. Explain that not everyone who is nice has good intentions. Encourage your child to tell you about strange or unpleasant experiences.

Protect Privacy

Teach your child that personal information such as address, school, or phone number should never be shared in chats or on social media.

Set Clear Rules

Agree on which platforms your child is allowed to use, what content they can share, and with whom they can communicate online.

Stay Alert

Show interest in your child’s online world. Monitoring doesn’t mean distrust—it means taking responsibility. Watch for changes in behavior or secretive internet use.

Use Technical Safety Tools

Parental control apps and privacy settings can help, but they don’t replace attentive parenting. Use them as support tools, not as a substitute for open communication.

Build Trust

Your child must know they can turn to you anytime—without fear of punishment or blame. If they have already shared pictures or information, they should feel safe discussing it with you.

What to Do If Your Child Is Affected?

• Stay calm: Even if you’re shocked, it’s important to act thoughtfully. Your child needs support, not panic.
• Secure evidence: If your child has received messages or images, save screenshots or chat logs. These may be important for filing a report.
• Report the perpetrator: Grooming is a criminal offense. You can contact the police, the platform operators, or specialized organizations.
• Seek support: Counseling services like helplines offer help for parents and children.

In Conclusion

The internet is an integral part of children’s and adolescents’ lives. It offers many opportunities—but also risks. You can’t protect your child from every danger—but you can help them navigate the digital world more safely. Keep the conversation open, stay attentive, and let them know they can always come to you about uncomfortable experiences.